I didn’t really notice it at first…

But looking back, I can see how easily I get pulled into chasing that feeling.

I used to be addicted to shopping. I think it ties into my personality… it’s so easy to get that rush, and once you feel it, you want it again.

At first, it was home decor.

I would think about it constantly… rearranging rooms in my head, planning how I would decorate everything. It felt harmless at the time.

Then I got into plants.

And that’s when it really took off.

I started seeing all these different varieties online… and I felt like I needed every single one. I would order them, track the packages, and wait for them to show up like it was the most important thing in the world.

I remember watching for the delivery truck, waiting for it to pull into the driveway…

And the second it did, I was out there.

Opening the box felt like this rush of excitement… like I had finally gotten what I wanted.

But it didn’t last.

Maybe five minutes… and then it was gone.

And just like that, I was already thinking about the next one.

For a while, I justified it. I told myself it was fine… that I was just building my collection. But the truth is, I was spending way more than I should have, especially during a time when plant prices were so inflated.

Looking back, I wish I had slowed down.

I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this.

Maybe it’s not plants for you.

Maybe it’s clothes… shoes… bags… something else entirely.

But the feeling is the same.

We chase something, hoping it will fill a space inside us…and it never really does.

I think that’s what addiction is, at its core.

Trying to fill a kind of emptiness that’s hard to explain.

For me, the only thing that has ever truly filled that space is my relationship with God.

Lately, I’ve felt a little distant again… and I’ve been trying to come back to that place.

Praying more.

Reading the Word.

Choosing to be content… even when it doesn’t come naturally.

Because the truth is, the things we’re chasing can’t give us what we’re really looking for.

There are things in this life that no amount of money can buy.

Time.

Peace.

The people we love.

My children are one of the greatest gifts God has given me… and no purchase in the world could ever come close to that.

Those are the things worth holding onto.

I heard something recently that really stayed with me…

That we’re all a little homesick for a time that doesn’t exist anymore… something we can’t go back to.

And it made me think about how quickly time is passing.

How easy it is to spend it chasing things that don’t really matter.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

I don’t want to waste my time on things that only feel good for a moment.

At one point, I actually prayed and asked God to take away that constant urge to buy more plants… things I didn’t truly need.

And slowly… He did.

It didn’t happen overnight, but over time, that feeling started to fade.

Now, I don’t feel the need to order something every time I open my phone.

I still love plants… that hasn’t changed.

I still get excited when I find something special.

But now it’s different.

It’s not constant and it's not controlling me.

It’s something I enjoy… not something I chase.

And I think that’s the difference.

This whole experience taught me something simple, but important:

When we put God first… the things that once had a hold on us start to loosen.

Not instantly.

Not perfectly.

But over time.

If we keep showing up, keep praying, and actually believe that He will answer us… we’ll start to see change.

Maybe not in our timing.

But in His.

And that’s something I’m still learning to trust.